Processing

     This past weekend, I went on a spiritual journey, an Emmaus Walk.  I spent Thursday evening until Sunday evening without a phone and I had no clue what time it was the entire weekend.  I went alone, I didn't know any of the other women who were on the journey with me.  I spent the entire time thinking about my relationship with God.  I cried and laughed, I sang and prayed, I thought and wrote, I even got to use some glitter.  I felt the love of friends and strangers.  I made new friends.  I got to know myself better.  I got to know God better.

     I don't have the words to explain the feelings that I have about my journey.  Amazing doesn't even begin to cover the weekend, but that is all I can say.  I am still processing much of the weekend.  In the weeks ahead, I will be spending time with a dear friend (or two) and we will be taking our journeys further out into our worlds.

     I do have two things that are clinging with me from the weekend.  The first is how much my attitude affects everyone around me...especially my family.  I gave God my lack of patience.  I am sure that I will try to take it back from Him, but I need to let it go.  I see my daughter already picking up on my lack of patience, so I am trying and praying to be better, calmer, quieter.  In turn, that will make me a better wife, mother, friend.

     The other thing that is still with me is the feeling of love that I was surrounded by the entire weekend.  My purpose here is to spread that love to others, in as many ways that I can.  I want to take the love that was given to me~by friends, family, strangers, and most of all, God~and pass it on to others.  I want others to know that pure, agape love that I felt this weekend.

   

Roadblocks

     I have had a few stumbling blocks in the past couple of  months that I have allowed to become roadblocks in my path.  I am trying to get rid of these roadblocks and "confessing" them is the first step for me.  I have allowed these minor details in my life to become big excuses for staying in same old place.

     In February, I ended up with the flu.  I was pretty sick...not sure I remember when I was that sick.  I called in to work, which I don't do, I stayed in bed.  I ended up sick for most of March, with a cough that wouldn't end.  Then Delainey ended up with the flu as well...a minor case, but she was still sick.  Jim had strep throat not once but twice.  All this was just stuff, we all recovered.  I allowed it to derail my plans for becoming stronger.

     Up until all this sickness started, I had been reading my devotional and spending dedicated time with God almost every evening before bed.  While I was sick, I slept all the time and had little energy to do anything at all.  I got out of the habit.  I would read one day, but the next, I would fall asleep on the couch until I crawled into bed.  Even now, I stay up later than I should and when it is time to go to bed, I am wiped out.  My plan is to start getting ready for bed at 9 so that I can be there by 9:30 and have my quiet time from 9:30-10.  I miss this time and I feel much better when it is part of my daily routine.

     My exercise had just started to take off.  I was moving a little more each day...playing on the X-Box with D, planking each day to work on my core.  When I got sick, I developed some other issues that make exercise no fun.  I don't want to give a lot of details, but childbirth, being out of shape, and getting older are not always friendly to women.  I am seeing a doctor to work on this.  I have committed to walking 15 minutes a day, 4 times a week.  Again, I haven't done great with it, but I have a goal.  I don't want to be wiped out when we are walking around on vacation.  I don't have a choice with this!

     I have had a lot of stress at work, which had lead to lots of stress eating.  I am learning a new position  in addition to the one that I already have. It has been my choice to do this, but I am overwhelmed with learning.  My store just finished with inventory, which is amazingly stressful in the job that I do.  If the store has a good inventory, it is a great feeling.  If it is bad, a crew will come in and look at everything I have done for the previous twelve months.  Inventory is over and it turned out well, so that stress is gone for several months.  I have some training come up, so I will be learning my new position.  My excuses for stress eating are going away.  I know how to eat better, I need to just start.

     Today, I start back on my path to becoming stronger.  I have said it before, I will keep saying over and over...baby steps.  Babies don't start off running marathons, they start crawling, then one step at a time until they are confident.  I am back to the baby steps again, but I am back.

In my mind vs reality

In my mind:

I have written at least 10 posts since my last one

I have deep cleaned my house.

I have lessons for Children's Church posted and ready until school starts.

I have menu-planned and cooked from scratch at least 4 times a week.

I have all the laundry current, including having it put away.

I have planned out a small garden for the summer.

I have mastered a new position at work.

I have written letters to my friends just to say hi.

I have lost 20 pounds.

I have been exercising daily.

I have been reading my devotional daily.

I have new hair style and color.

The reality:

I finally sat down to write tonight.

The dust gets blown off the shelves occasionally, the dishes are clean, and the vacuum cleaner still works.

I have next Sunday's lesson almost written.

We haven't gone hungry and we get a home cooked meal once or twice a week.

We all have clean clothes to wear every day.

I have friends who garden and they might be willing to share with me!

I am totally overwhelmed with that new position, but inventory is over for another year.

I text and chat with my friends on Facebook.

I haven't gained 20 pounds.

I at least think about exercising daily.

I am behind in my daily devotional, but still reading.

Same old style, same grey hair.