Here and Now

     It's no secret to anyone who has talked to me recently that I have been feeling overwhelmed.  Jim, Delainey, and I have all been dealing with some illnesses...nothing serious, but we all have been dealing with different things over the last month.  In October, I started working 5 days a week again.  I am not driving 2 hours a day any more, but I have lost my extra day to get things done.  Jim's parents moved in with us in December, so we have had some adjustments there as well.  Jim's job is farther away, so he is gone from home more often, which I am not used to any more. And to top it off, we have started house hunting.  Is it any wonder that I am feeling overwhelmed?

     Jim and I were having a conversation about how I am feeling the other day...in one of the few times that we have been able to be alone recently.  He reminded me to be present in the moment.  5 years from now, how different will our life be? Delainey will be almost 16...is she going to want to hang out with us?  Jim's parents have a lot of health issues, we don't like to think about it, but will they still be with us then?  Things in life can change so quickly, I need to find ways to live in the here and now.

     One of the things that I am working on is a daily/weekly schedule for myself.  I have a friend who has morning schedules, afternoon schedules, and evening schedules.  That much would make me even more stressed out.  I would focus on all the things that I didn't get done instead of looking at what was done.  I also need to focus a way on doing things that I enjoy.  I have been spending lots of time recently coloring.  It's mindless enjoyment, I can do it while I am with the family, and I don't feel that it takes away from my family.  We have lots of family time with the three of us.  Delainey and I have lots of time for the two of us.  Jim and I struggle to find that time together.  We know that some day we will have all kinds of time alone, but we need to have that now as well.  I also need to work on time for me to be alone.  Whether it is going to the library while Delainey is at swimming or sitting in my car at lunch time, I need time alone.   Jim will tell you that when I get time alone, I am a happier person.

     For now, I am working on changing the things that I can change.  The things that I cannot change, I need to be able to let go...some how.  I need to focus on the here and now, enjoying the little things that make up my life.  In the mean time, if you see my sitting in my car, I probably just need a moment to myself!