Momma Tribes

      When people find out they are having a baby, many people start reading and researching how to raise a child. What to Expect When You are Expecting has been around for years. I had copy, and I referred to it often. After the baby is born, parents are flooded with advice. There are books about raising babies, toddlers, tweens, teens, and even college age students. If you even think about a child rearing topic, you can find books about it. Everyone will gladly share what they think is important about parenting. The one thing that no one told me was how important the tribe of moms would be in my life. 

     I became a parent late in life...I was 40, pretty close to 41, when I finally had D. Most of my friends where well past the newborn stage. In fact, a few of my friends were becoming grandparents while I was a new parent. To be honest, it was pretty lonely. My friends were past late-night feedings, dirty diapers, and bottles. Luckily, I found a website with other moms...who had kids the same ages as my kids. Yes, I was a little older, but online, age didn't matter. Those women on that website became my tribe of moms. If I had a question, one of them was either dealing with the same issue currently or had already handled something similar. They became my lifeline. That website is gone, but the relationships I made are still there...those mommas are still part of my tribe.

     My mom tribe has changed over the years as well. Some of the moms I was close to when D was young are still part of my mom tribe. I have moms who are praying for my child daily, because that's what my tribe does for our children. We don't live near family. My momma tribe has in many ways filled in for the family that isn't nearby. I have people who will pick up D if Jim or I can't be there. I have people who can and do check on D when I ask. Today, two different mommas sent me photos of D because I wasn't at a school function. That's what a tribe of moms do for each other. 

     I am not close to all the moms that are part of my tribe. We might only talk occasionally, and that's okay. I know that if I needed help with D, I could count on so many of them. I try not to give advice to new parents unless they ask. We all have our own path in the parenting world. I will tell all moms out there this one thing... find a tribe of moms. They don't have to be your best friends, but they need to be someone that you can share stories with. Step out of your comfort zone. You need moms who are going through the same stages of life with you and your kiddo. Find a tribe of mommas...and be part of their tribe as well. 

Kindness with a K

      Last night, I attended a celebration of life for a young man. I listened to his family and friends share stories of him. I thought about the times that I was around him. He was part of my daughter's band family (and by extension my band family). He was part of my work family. The overwhelming take-away from this young man is kindness. 

     I saw his kindness firsthand during band. He never let anyone carry a heavy load. When D had a load of flags to bring home one evening, they were brought to my car by this young man...because, according to him, D didn't need to carry them alone. When the marching band was headed to their state competition, he baked them cookies and sent them an encouraging letter. He couldn't go with them because he was getting ready for a cancer treatment. He thought of others instead of himself. 

     I learned that this kind young man told his close friends about his illness himself. He was worried about how they would react, rather than about himself. I learned that he made special treat for teachers when he found out what they liked. He made cookies for the nurses at the hospital to thank them for taking care of him. He made gluten free treats when he heard about allergies. I learned that he worried about others so much more than he worried about himself. 

     Konnar with a K was all about kindness. I don't know why he had to leave this life so young. I don't have the words to comfort my grieving daughter and their friends. I do know how I am going to remember him. I am going to try to become kinder than I am. I am going to do little things to bring joy to others. I am going to practice kindness with a K.

Two days....

      This past Tuesday was the last day of Mardi Gras, which literally means Fat Tuesday. At our house, we celebrate Fat Tuesday with pancakes and bacon.  I serve our meal on my fancy plate.

Some years I make cupcakes that are reminiscent of a king cake, complete with a plastic baby hidden in one of the cupcakes. That's all that we do to celebrate this festival of gluttony. It's the last hurrah before the fasting and sacrifice of Lent. It's silly and a something that we have done for years in our family. It has no deep meaning attached to it, just something fun for my family.

     And then comes Wednesday...Ash Wednesday, otherwise known as the first day of Lent. Lent commemorates the 40 days that Jesus spent fasting in the desert. It leads us to the celebration of Easter. When D was young, they would often tell me that there was good news and bad news about Easter. The bad news was that Jesus died, but the good news was that He came back to life. I remember the look of joy when D told me that story. Until Easter Sunday, Lent is a time of reflection and sacrifice. Some people give up things like soda...I've done that and then I go right back to drinking it again when the season is over. Other people add in extra Bible study for the season. I have tried that, but I struggle to do my regular devotions...adding in more would just overwhelm me. This year I am being called to do something completely out of my wheelhouse....

     I was having a conversation with some friends the other day about how they are feeling as if they can't focus. They feel that they are being pulled in so many directions and are struggling to get things accomplished. That same day, I had a conversation with another group of friends. They are just struggling to feel anything at all. Or they are overcome with emotions...sadness, despair, exhaustion. I talked with another friend who is having parenting struggles. I have been in all of those situations at one time or another, but right now, I feel that I am in a pretty good place (yes, I know, that could change at any moment). 

     One of the groups I was with prayed together. It was a strong prayer and many of us were moved to tears. I was teary, I had goosebumps, but I also felt the Holy Spirit with us in that room. After that meeting, I went to our chapel. My pastor prayed as he put ashes on my forehead in the shape of a cross. Again, I felt the Holy Spirit with me. An idea began to form in my heart, before I could give it words. And by this morning, I had words for that idea that the Holy Spirit planted in me. 

I am being called to pray for my friends specifically this season. I pray for them always, but I am feeling strongly that I need to be praying extra...I don't know why I am being called to this. I don't know what I need to be praying for, but He knows. I am not a warrior when it comes to prayer, but I am going to become one during this Lenton season. I hope to get up just a little earlier and spend focused time...time when I lift up my friends. 

Two days....so completely different. A day that celebrates gluttony, parties, and revelry. And a day that starts down a path that while somber, leads us to the best day ever. And while we are going down that path, I will be praying...praying for my family and friends, for our country, for the world. And if you need prayer, send me a message so that I can lift you as well.

Doing New Things

      I just finished a new thing. I am not ready to say what it is just yet, but dang it was hard. I don't like doing new things. Anyone who knows me knows that...but I'm getting better at it.  This was really hard. I struggled. I overthought every step that I made. I cried more than once. I felt like a failure often. But I kept going. Even when I wanted to give up, I didn't.

     While I was doing this new thing, I let other things in life slide. Jim and Delainey didn't get many meals made at home. There was a lot of fast food and eating out. I leaned on them both to keep the house going...and just as I knew they would, they handled it. I leaned on friends for prayer when the struggle became overwhelming. I had friends talking me down when I was in panic mode. I have a village surrounding me, and they were definitely holding me up during this time!

     I have another big thing coming up soon, but I have a break. During that break, I am going to breath and take some time for myself. I am going to spend some extra time with my family, because they deserve my time! I am going to plan just a little more for the next big thing because I know what I am looking forward to with the next thing. 

     My biggest take away from this big thing, is that I can do it. I am stronger than I think that I am. New things will always be intimidating, but they can lead to better things ahead!

**and just to be vaguely clear, this new hard thing is not bad. We are all healthy, I just have new things on the horizon. 

     

Prayer

      I absolutely believe in the power of prayer. I have seen prayer do amazing things. I am not the best at formal praying. I'm more of a casual conversation type of prayer person. And praying out loud...that's rough, but I am trying. I am also trying to use more formal prayer time. In March, my church is planning a daylong workshop on prayer that Jim and I are planning to attend. I can't wait to learn more about how prayer can deepen my faith.

     Today at work, I sent a message to a friend to let them know I was praying for them. They haven't asked for prayers. I don't see any indication that they have anything going on in life that they need extra prayers. They were on my mind and heart, so I said a prayer for them, and I let them know I was praying for them. And when I had free time today, I continued to pray for them. This afternoon, it occurred to me that I can continue to pray for them this week. I can pray over their job, their family, the entire person. So that is what I am going to do this week.

    Then it occurred to me...if I can do this for one friend one week, why can't I do the same thing every week? There is no reason that it won't work...unless I slack off. But I really want to do this. I want to create a prayer circle...network...something. I am sure that this is nothing new, but it is for me. I am going to continue with my usual prayers, but I really want to focus on one person for one week at a time. I am sure that God will provide the person to me. And I don't know if I will say anything to that person, but I feel like it gives me some accountability. 

     Will you join me in praying specifically for someone this week? You don't have to tell them. You don't have to tell anyone else. The One hearing the prayers will know that you are praying. And you never know who needs your prayers.

The word for 2022...

   

  Some years, I search really hard for a word, and it works perfectly. Other years the word comes to me easily. This year was a combination of things. I have been searching for my word, but nothing felt right. I decided to do a search for words and create kept surfacing. Then a Bible verse popped into my mind. I don't have many verses committed to memory, so I decided that this was one of those nudges from God that I am trying to watch for in my life.

CREATE

1: to make or produce (something): to cause (something new) to exist

2: to cause (a particular situation) to exist

3: to produce (something new, such as a work of art) by using your talents and imagination

    

    The third meaning really speaks to me...to produce by using MY talents. I have several dreams for the upcoming year that I hope to better utilize my talents. There are a few people who see talents in me that I struggle to see, so I hope to develop those as well. I don't look at myself as particularly creative, but there are many ways to create in life. I hope to explore them this year.

    I am going to use a verse to help guide me along the way in the upcoming year as well. This is the verse that came to me as I was searching for my word. I pray that I listen, learn, and stay faithful along my journey.