Summer fun~Predmore style!

     Delainey and I made our "Summer Fun" list for the next two months that she is not in school.  It is a pretty big list considering that Jim and I both are working and both will have surgeries during this time as well!

     We have already checked off a few things on our list....farmer's Market, play date, and park. We go to the farmer's market most Saturdays, Jim arranges his schedule so that he is able to go with us as well.  Parks and play dates will hopefully happen often.  Delainey wanted to include Kids Commons in Columbus because she loves the giant toilet and Wonder Lab in Bloomington because I have never been there.  I am hoping that we can make a trip to Indianapolis so that we can have sushi (Wild Ginger, if you have never been, check them out), visit Conner Prairie, and maybe even the zoo. 

     We have some big activities planned as well as some quiet ones.  Some are things that Jim and Delainey love to do together (fishing and movies) and others are things that she and I love to do together (crafting and reading).  Camping and hiking are some of our favorite family activities, we are so glad that we live close to a great state park for hiking!  I am pretty sure that we can count making our poster as part of our crafting time.    We are also planning some educational things here and there, but hopefully they will be fun learning times for us all (book reports~no, really I have some fun forms to use, math games, Banana-grams, and some science experiments~anyone ever put a bar of Ivory soap in a microwave?).  I don't want our brains turning into mush!

     I know that more things will happen that aren't on the list and I am looking forward to our fun filled summer!

In Sickness and More Sickness?

     If anyone had asked me a year ago if I thought my family was healthy, I would have said yes.  Sure, we had a few illnesses, allergies, but really nothing major.  We had a family doctor, but didn't see him very often--we liked it that way.  And then, life changed....

     In October of last year, Jim was diagnosed with cancer of the tongue.  Really, who gets tongue cancer?   Jim and I both agreed not to look up all the scary stuff online.  I did pretty good with that, most of the time.  We followed the advice of Jim's doctors and Jim worked hard during his radiation treatments.  He fought through the exhaustion, the loss of appetite, the feelings of helplessness.  He fought harder than I have ever seen anyone fight before.  His doctors are amazed at the speed of his recovery.  Every time he sees them, they remark on how strong he is and how well he is doing.  Because his immune system is weak, he has to take care of himself.  He has had strep twice since treatment has stopped.  He also has been dealing with allergies and sinus infections.  He is now looking at surgery for polyps in his nasal passage sometime later this year.

     I stayed healthy during Jim's treatments, tired, but healthy.  I knew that we both couldn't be down at the same time.  But shortly after he went back to work, my body started to rebel.  I was tired, worn out, and ready to let someone else be in charge for a while.  I ended up with the flu.  It was something that I hope not to repeat anytime soon.  Then I ended up with a cough that lasted for over a month.  It took 2 rounds of antibiotics to kick it out of my body.  The cough led to bigger issues for me.  I finally went to see a urologist about my issue that many women deal with every day.  In his words I "have the plumbing of a 67 year old" at the age of 47.  I will be getting the issue fixed in June and I am so looking forward to being about to run, jump, and sneeze without worry!  I have never had allergy issues but I am now taking medication for my allergies.

     Delainey ended up with the flu as well.  I felt horrible for exposing her, but luckily, hers wasn't as severe as mine.  She bounced back quickly.  However, she is her daddy's girl in so many ways, she has developed big issues with allergies.  Southern Indiana is beautiful, but allergy issues are common here.  She is taking the same medication as Jim and I now, just a lesser dosage.  I have asked for a family discount!  And then my baby ended up with Fifth's Disease.  Most kids get this at some point and they barely know that they have it--low grade fever and a rash.  D had a high fever for a few days and a rash that seemed to last forever.  We went to the doctor the day that she told me she wanted to take a nap.    He confirmed Fifth's Disease and said that she could be tired for up to two weeks until the virus worked its way out of her.

     One of my friends remarked that my family seemed to be under a black cloud lately.  I agreed with her at first, but the more I have thought about this, the more I disagree, or I at least see the silver lining in that black cloud.    Yes, we have taken a hit healthwise this past year, but we have learned many lessons through our illnesses.  We have learned to lean on each other fully.  We have learned to ask for help when we need it.  We have learned to accept help gratefully.  We have experienced love without deserving that love.  We have strengthened our faith in God.  We have learned to put things in proper perspective.  We are able to share our experience s with others.  So, while I am ready for this chapter in our life to end, I am grateful for the lessons that we have learned.

Processing

     This past weekend, I went on a spiritual journey, an Emmaus Walk.  I spent Thursday evening until Sunday evening without a phone and I had no clue what time it was the entire weekend.  I went alone, I didn't know any of the other women who were on the journey with me.  I spent the entire time thinking about my relationship with God.  I cried and laughed, I sang and prayed, I thought and wrote, I even got to use some glitter.  I felt the love of friends and strangers.  I made new friends.  I got to know myself better.  I got to know God better.

     I don't have the words to explain the feelings that I have about my journey.  Amazing doesn't even begin to cover the weekend, but that is all I can say.  I am still processing much of the weekend.  In the weeks ahead, I will be spending time with a dear friend (or two) and we will be taking our journeys further out into our worlds.

     I do have two things that are clinging with me from the weekend.  The first is how much my attitude affects everyone around me...especially my family.  I gave God my lack of patience.  I am sure that I will try to take it back from Him, but I need to let it go.  I see my daughter already picking up on my lack of patience, so I am trying and praying to be better, calmer, quieter.  In turn, that will make me a better wife, mother, friend.

     The other thing that is still with me is the feeling of love that I was surrounded by the entire weekend.  My purpose here is to spread that love to others, in as many ways that I can.  I want to take the love that was given to me~by friends, family, strangers, and most of all, God~and pass it on to others.  I want others to know that pure, agape love that I felt this weekend.

   

Roadblocks

     I have had a few stumbling blocks in the past couple of  months that I have allowed to become roadblocks in my path.  I am trying to get rid of these roadblocks and "confessing" them is the first step for me.  I have allowed these minor details in my life to become big excuses for staying in same old place.

     In February, I ended up with the flu.  I was pretty sick...not sure I remember when I was that sick.  I called in to work, which I don't do, I stayed in bed.  I ended up sick for most of March, with a cough that wouldn't end.  Then Delainey ended up with the flu as well...a minor case, but she was still sick.  Jim had strep throat not once but twice.  All this was just stuff, we all recovered.  I allowed it to derail my plans for becoming stronger.

     Up until all this sickness started, I had been reading my devotional and spending dedicated time with God almost every evening before bed.  While I was sick, I slept all the time and had little energy to do anything at all.  I got out of the habit.  I would read one day, but the next, I would fall asleep on the couch until I crawled into bed.  Even now, I stay up later than I should and when it is time to go to bed, I am wiped out.  My plan is to start getting ready for bed at 9 so that I can be there by 9:30 and have my quiet time from 9:30-10.  I miss this time and I feel much better when it is part of my daily routine.

     My exercise had just started to take off.  I was moving a little more each day...playing on the X-Box with D, planking each day to work on my core.  When I got sick, I developed some other issues that make exercise no fun.  I don't want to give a lot of details, but childbirth, being out of shape, and getting older are not always friendly to women.  I am seeing a doctor to work on this.  I have committed to walking 15 minutes a day, 4 times a week.  Again, I haven't done great with it, but I have a goal.  I don't want to be wiped out when we are walking around on vacation.  I don't have a choice with this!

     I have had a lot of stress at work, which had lead to lots of stress eating.  I am learning a new position  in addition to the one that I already have. It has been my choice to do this, but I am overwhelmed with learning.  My store just finished with inventory, which is amazingly stressful in the job that I do.  If the store has a good inventory, it is a great feeling.  If it is bad, a crew will come in and look at everything I have done for the previous twelve months.  Inventory is over and it turned out well, so that stress is gone for several months.  I have some training come up, so I will be learning my new position.  My excuses for stress eating are going away.  I know how to eat better, I need to just start.

     Today, I start back on my path to becoming stronger.  I have said it before, I will keep saying over and over...baby steps.  Babies don't start off running marathons, they start crawling, then one step at a time until they are confident.  I am back to the baby steps again, but I am back.

In my mind vs reality

In my mind:

I have written at least 10 posts since my last one

I have deep cleaned my house.

I have lessons for Children's Church posted and ready until school starts.

I have menu-planned and cooked from scratch at least 4 times a week.

I have all the laundry current, including having it put away.

I have planned out a small garden for the summer.

I have mastered a new position at work.

I have written letters to my friends just to say hi.

I have lost 20 pounds.

I have been exercising daily.

I have been reading my devotional daily.

I have new hair style and color.

The reality:

I finally sat down to write tonight.

The dust gets blown off the shelves occasionally, the dishes are clean, and the vacuum cleaner still works.

I have next Sunday's lesson almost written.

We haven't gone hungry and we get a home cooked meal once or twice a week.

We all have clean clothes to wear every day.

I have friends who garden and they might be willing to share with me!

I am totally overwhelmed with that new position, but inventory is over for another year.

I text and chat with my friends on Facebook.

I haven't gained 20 pounds.

I at least think about exercising daily.

I am behind in my daily devotional, but still reading.

Same old style, same grey hair.

Love

"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels,

but have not love,

I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal"

1 Corinthians 13:1

     I was part of a conversation the other day about the word love.  Many of the people said that they only used the word love for their immediate family.  They feel that if you use the term to much, it loses its meaning. They have no problem telling their spouses or children that they love them (and most say it often to them), but they rarely tell others "I love you".  I think that is sad...I have enough love to go around and I want my friends to know that I love them.

     I love my husband with all my heart.  I tell him often that I love him.  I try to show him every day that I love him.  He tells me the same.  I don't remember the last time that we didn't say I love you at least once during the course of the day.  Jim and I both tell Delainey that we love her every day.  We want her to know that she is loved completely.  We tell the boys that we love them every time we talk to them.  No matter what, they are our children and we will always love them.

     I tell my family members that I love them.  Any time that I talk to my brother, we end the call with saying that we love each other.  I love my family.  We aren't perfect, in fact we have lots of flaws, but I love them all. I would say that I even love the crazy cousin in the family, but I have been told by some that I am the crazy cousin.  I am not sure about that one...

     I don't remember when I started telling my friends that I love them, but I have always loved my friends.  I can't imagine my life without my friends. I cannot imagine not telling them that I love them.  I don't say it every time I talk to them, but I say it often enough to let them know I mean it. Sometimes I tell a friend that I love them because I think that they need to hear it that day.  If you are my friend, I have probably already said that I love you, but if not, just wait, you will hear it at some point!

     I have come to realize that my job here is to show love and to give love to others.  The really cool thing about that, the more that I share my love, the more love I feel from others.  I try (and I fail often) to love people, even when I don't want to love them.  We all need love.  We all need to know that others love us, even when we don't feel lovable.

     Just know, my friends, I truly love you!  I leave you with the most important thought about love:

"This is My commandment:

 that you love one another

as I have loved you"

John 15:12

Stronger....Month Two

     I am still taking baby steps to becoming stronger in 2013.  Rather than trying to make a bunch of big changes all at once, I making slow, gradual changes in my life.  Every three to four weeks, I plan on adding something new to my life.  January I focused on becoming stronger in my faith.  I spent time each day with a devotional, the Bible, and prayer.  I have come to look forward to that time each night.  I truly feel that my faith in God is become stronger and deeper than ever before.

     My next focus is becoming stronger through healthy eating.  I wish that I could say my body craves healthy foods.  It doesn't.  Coke, cookies, Little Debbie snack cakes, Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos ....mmmmm!  I have found that if I cut these foods out completely, I will binge on them at some point.  I have to portion them out in moderation, which is hard.  There are some foods that I cannot have at home or I will eat them all.  It is better for me to have one ice cream at Dairy Queen than to have an entire gallon at home.  I have gotten much better, but I still have a long way to go!

     I want to eat more "real" foods.  Jim and I agree that real food is much better for all us.  We don't mind paying more for certain things if we know that they are better for our bodies.  Processed foods bother me.  Chemicals in my foods bother me.  Chemicals in my daughter's food bothers me even more.  It is hard to cook from scratch.  It takes time to plan the menu.  It takes time to grocery shop.  It takes longer to prepare the meals.  It is worth the time and effort to feed myself and my family food that is better for us.  I am getting better about making things ahead of time and freezing them for a quick meal.  Much better than going to the local fast food place.

     In the spring and summer months, my family and I make weekly trips to the local farmer's market.  The food is local.  It doesn't have chemicals added to it to make it last longer.  The meat is hormone free and we know the people who raise the cattle.  We can talk to the growers of our food.  We can ask what things are and how they should be cooked.  There is also a local whole food co-op not far from us.  There isn't a large variety (we live in a small town), but we always come away from there with something fun for us to try. I am also going to try my hand at having a small garden this summer.  How much more local can that be?  I am not promising that veggies will grow, but I am going to give it a try~my grandma would be proud of me!

     Hopefully, the steps that I am taking will make me stronger.  I am trying!