Just say No!

     No is such a little word, just two letters.  It's not hard to pronounce, but it is so hard to say.  If we say no, will people think that we are bad people?  If we say no, will we feel guilty?  If we say no to our children, will people think that we are bad parents?  What if we say no and no one else says yes?  If we say no, will people stop asking?  What if we say no and someone does it better?  What if we say no, and someone wants to know why we said no?

     I am guilty of saying yes to often and no not enough.  I am a people pleaser.  I want to help people, so I say yes....often.  I say yes even when I know that I should say no.  I say maybe and usually end up saying yes.  I have a dear friend who doesn't say yes or no right away.  She says thank you for asking, I need to pray about it.  And she does.  Sometimes she says yes, but other times she says no.  She knows when no is the right answer for her.  We all should be that confident.

     So far, 2017 has been a struggle for me.  I am struggling to find my balance, let alone find time for more of what I want and need.  I feel like a really bad juggler lately.  I have lots of balls in the air and I keep dropping them.  Things that I have said yes to this year haven't been done.  I need to do a better job of saying no.  I need to pray when asked to do something so that I know if yes or no is the correct answer.  I need to evaluate where I have already said yes and see if the answer should instead be no.  I need to learn (and know) that it is okay to say no.

     Right now, I have several major things going on in my life...caring for aging family members, working full time, searching for a house, finding time to be a good wife and mother. and taking care of myself as well.  As a good friend says "the struggle is real".  My struggle isn't the same as her struggle, but it is very real to me.  Some days, the struggle seems to overwhelm me.  During this time of my life, I need to be able to say no.  And I need to know that it's okay to say no.

Here and Now

     It's no secret to anyone who has talked to me recently that I have been feeling overwhelmed.  Jim, Delainey, and I have all been dealing with some illnesses...nothing serious, but we all have been dealing with different things over the last month.  In October, I started working 5 days a week again.  I am not driving 2 hours a day any more, but I have lost my extra day to get things done.  Jim's parents moved in with us in December, so we have had some adjustments there as well.  Jim's job is farther away, so he is gone from home more often, which I am not used to any more. And to top it off, we have started house hunting.  Is it any wonder that I am feeling overwhelmed?

     Jim and I were having a conversation about how I am feeling the other day...in one of the few times that we have been able to be alone recently.  He reminded me to be present in the moment.  5 years from now, how different will our life be? Delainey will be almost 16...is she going to want to hang out with us?  Jim's parents have a lot of health issues, we don't like to think about it, but will they still be with us then?  Things in life can change so quickly, I need to find ways to live in the here and now.

     One of the things that I am working on is a daily/weekly schedule for myself.  I have a friend who has morning schedules, afternoon schedules, and evening schedules.  That much would make me even more stressed out.  I would focus on all the things that I didn't get done instead of looking at what was done.  I also need to focus a way on doing things that I enjoy.  I have been spending lots of time recently coloring.  It's mindless enjoyment, I can do it while I am with the family, and I don't feel that it takes away from my family.  We have lots of family time with the three of us.  Delainey and I have lots of time for the two of us.  Jim and I struggle to find that time together.  We know that some day we will have all kinds of time alone, but we need to have that now as well.  I also need to work on time for me to be alone.  Whether it is going to the library while Delainey is at swimming or sitting in my car at lunch time, I need time alone.   Jim will tell you that when I get time alone, I am a happier person.

     For now, I am working on changing the things that I can change.  The things that I cannot change, I need to be able to let go...some how.  I need to focus on the here and now, enjoying the little things that make up my life.  In the mean time, if you see my sitting in my car, I probably just need a moment to myself!

Word up....2017

     About a week ago, I got a song stuck in my head from the 70's.  It was the song "Day by Day" from the musical Godspell.  I have never seen the musical, although it was on tv the other day.  I just couldn't stop singing the song, it seemed to be speaking to me in a very real way.  I had been thinking about my word for 2017, so I spent some time listening, singing, and reading the lyrics to the song.

"Day by day, day by day

Oh, dear Lord, three things I pray

To see Thee more clearly

Love Thee more dearly

Follow Thee more nearly

Day by day

written by Stephen Schwartz

The word more kept coming back to me.  More was Jim's words for 2106...I didn't want to copy his word, but it stayed with me.  I tried it out for a few days and it seems to have stuck. 

     What does more look like for me?  I am not 100% sure, but I have a few ideas.  More is not about greed, even though it can be taken that way.  To me, more is what is in the song...seeing, loving, following God more.  I know from experience when I do that, I have more of everything else in my life.  That is my starting point for the word more this year.

     My friend Liz has made a list of things that she would like to do in 2017.  I think that is a grand idea and I will be making my own list that goes along with my word.  I have a start already, I just need to clarify it a little more before I put it in writing.  I did something similar with a previous word and each month did a self check to see how well I was focusing on my word.  

     I am never sure what my word will be each year, but the word usually finds me.  Some years I am more successful focusing on my word than others.  I know that each word is the right word at the time.  There are many paths that I can take with the word more, I am sure that I will find the path that best suits me!

Merry Christmas from Our House!

     Everyone who knows me, knows that I have good intentions, but my follow-through is sadly lacking these days.  I have Christmas cards...still sitting in the box that they came in.  I have paper that I bought to print our Christmas letter...still wrapped in the package that it came in.  So here is the Predmore Christmas letter to all our family and friends.

     Dear Family and Friends,

     Did you know that six chickens produce an insane amount of chicken poop?  We sure didn't, but we have discovered that fact, along with many other chicken facts this year.  Delainey saved her Christmas and birthday money to buy a chicken coop.  We are now proud chicken farmers.  Bugger, Rosie, Fluffy, Einey, Meeny, and Miney provide hours of fun for us along with keeping us (and our friends) well supplied with eggs.  We miss Big Momma, but decided that we didn't want a rooster as part of our flock.  Delainey has become the chicken whisperer...they all seem to enjoy being held and petted by her!

     In spite of Delainey breaking her arm at church camp this summer, we were able to take some fun trips in 2016.  Delainey went to 4H camp for a weekend in June.  Nancy and Delainey went to Camp PYOCA in July for a mission camp.  As part of our camp experience, we went to several places to serve others while still enjoying camp activities.  Jim and Delainey went to Perryville, AR to Heifer Ranch in October.  They went as part of a youth trip and spent the week learning about sustainable farming, world hunger, and how we can be part of the solution.

     Jim, Nancy, Shane, Dylan, Delainey, and Princess spent a week in a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN.  It was a beautiful week full of creek hiking, hot weather, shopping, and a short trip on the Appalachian Trail.  We had to skip the white water rafting due to a little girl's cast, but it was still a wonderful week.  We are so happy that we were there this summer and we continue to pray for the area as they deal with the aftermath of the fires.  We have been there before and we will definitely be back!

     Jim is still working at Tractor Supply.  He works hard, but enjoys his free time.  He doesn't have nearly enough free time, but likes to spend it with his family.  Nancy just had her 24th anniversary at Wal-Mart.  She loves her new store and the team there.  The best part is that she is able to drive home for lunch!

     Shane and Dylan are still living in Indianapolis.  They are both working hard and we don't get to visit them nearly enough.  Delainey is loving 5th grade.  She did riding lessons again and has been swimming as well.  One of her highlights was swimming at IU...in the same pool where Lilly King swims. Jim's parents, Kenny and Sharon, moved in our home this month.  We are working on the bumps, but will all adjust to a three generation home.  

     We hope to get out and about more often in 2017.  We have one trip planned to Chicago in July with our youth group, but other than that, nothing is definite.  If you are in southern Indiana, please come visit.  Our house is crowded and loud, but we will always make room for friends and family.  We wish you all peace, love, and joy for the upcoming year.

     Love you all,

The Predmore family

     Next year I will have cards and letters sent out on time....Don't give up on me!

Making it work

     The last few months have been all about change at our house.  It  hasn't been easy, but I keep praying that it will become easier as time goes on.  We have had several huge changes and I think that we are all struggling to go with the flow.  I know that the changes are the right ones for our family, but change is never easy.  I am trying to keep believing that these are the changes that God has planned for us.

     My job change for the most part has been good.  I love being close to home, but finding the balance of home and work is rough.  I am so used to having three days off, that it has been hard to get my household chores done.  Laundry is a struggle as is cooking at home.  Delainey wants us to have some freezer meals handy so that we can use our crock pot more often.  I agree with her, but finding the time to make the meals is my current struggle!  I have more changes at work that are hard emotionally for me, but again, some how I have faith that it will work out the way God has it planned.

     Jim's new position is requiring him to be away from home more...and that's a huge struggle for all of us.  I know that he doesn't mind the drive, but we do!  We miss him being so far away.  We miss being able to stop in to see him while we are in town running errands.  But again, we have faith that this is how things are supposed to be right now.

     The biggest change happened last week.  Jim's parents have moved back in with our family.  They are at a time in their lives when they need more help than we were able to give from two hours away.  We have adjusted rooms, schedules, and everything else.  There will be bumps in the road, but family helps each other.  I spent time as a child in a three generation home, so it doesn't seem abnormal to me.  There are still things that we need to juggle...laundry time, meals, expenses, tv time, but I know that they will work out.  Again, faith!

     Delainey seems to be handling the changes pretty well.  She misses her dad in the mornings.  It was their time together.  They need to work out a special time for just the two of them.  She also misses quiet time in the afternoon with just she and I.  We have been blessed to have a friend who takes her to school in the mornings and picks her up in the afternoon.  Without that help, we wouldn't be able to function with our new schedules.  She has her ups and downs with it all, but she is resilient and I know that she will be okay.

     Change happens, whether I want it to or not.  I am getting better about accepting change in my life and going with it.  I have to keep faith that God has a plan for all that we are going through right now and that He will guide us through all the bumps.  We just keep on making it work the best that we can!

Square Peg

     When Delainey was little she had this toy.  I bet that many people had one similar to this.  She would try and try to make the shapes fit.  Sometimes she would make one fit into a hole that wasn't truly its match by putting it in sideways, but it was a struggle.  The shapes went in to their homes easiest if they found the matching hole.  Lately, I have been feeling a lot like this game...struggling to find my place.  

     To be honest, I have always felt this way to an extent.  Maybe it's because we moved around when I was younger.  Maybe it's because I have moved around so much as an adult.  Maybe it's just the way that I am wired.  I am not sure.  Sometimes I can go along and not notice the feeling, but other times, like now, it's almost overwhelming.  I know that I have my place with my family, I don't question that.  What I question is my place within my various groups of friends.  Do I belong in those groups?  Am I a valued friend?  Am I being a good friend to people?  I wonder how many of us question ourselves like this.  Why do we question ourselves like this?

     I love social media, but it is a blessing and a curse.  I love that I am able to keep up with friends that I haven't seen in years.  The flip side of that is seeing all the people who get together with each other and I am not included.  Much of that is my fault.  There are times that I am invited to get together with friends, but either the timing doesn't work for me or there is too much distance to cover for me to attend.  And heck, sometimes, I just don't have the finances to make it happen.  But there are other times that I am not invited, or invited as an afterthought.  It hurts and it makes me question the strength of those bonds.  And I know that sometimes, I just over think things.

     I know that my worth doesn't come from the people around me.  I know that, but we all want to be included.  We all want to be accepted for who we are.  We don't want to have make ourselves fit by turning ourselves around.  Well, at least I do any way, I guess I shouldn't use the term we.  I don't know the solution for me.  Maybe I need to limit my use of social media.  Maybe I need to strengthen the bonds that I have already created in my life.  Maybe I need to spend some time looking within to see why I feel this way.  

     Please don't think that I wrote this looking for sympathy or reassurance.  I have had this in my head and heart for a while and it helps me to put things in writing.  I just want to be honest with my feelings...and since this is my blog, this is where it goes!  I know that I am loved, but I don't always feel that I belong....and I am not sure that makes any sense at all!  Just like Delainey did with her shape toy, I will keep working until I am able to fit into my space easily.

Sleep

     When did something so natural, so essential, become such a difficult thing for so many people?  Without sleep, we can't function.  Our bodies need sleep.  Our minds need sleep.  So why are so many of us struggling to sleep through the night?  And even when we sleep, why are so many of us waking up each morning just as tired as when we went to bed.

     I have always been able to fall asleep quickly and easily.  Sleep has always been easy for me.  I don't suffer from insomnia like so many people I know.  But, for the last few months, I have been struggling to stay awake.  I go to sleep easily...at any time of the day or night.  But when I wake up, I am still exhausted.  I can't make it through the day without a nap.  Jim has told me that I now snore.  I don't think that I used to snore, but some nights he has to sleep on the couch because I am so loud.  He has also said that I jerk throughout the night, almost as if I am waking up.

     I know many people who need to take medication at night to sleep.  What is causing them to not be able to sleep?  Many of them have told me that they can't get their mind to shut off.  How do you quiet the thoughts in your mind?  Many have tried meditation and relaxation techniques before bed.  Sometimes they work, other times they don't.  Others try reading until their minds stop focusing on all the little things of the day.  Again, sometimes it works, other times it doesn't.  Why are some people able to calm their brains and others cannot?

     I know other people who swear by yoga or other relaxation techniques to calm their minds and bodies.  Again, it works for some and not for others.  Delainey and I sometimes play the relaxation game before she goes to bed.  I talk her through a series of relaxing her body and letting all the tension leave, starting with her toes and working all the up through her body.  Sometimes it helps her, other times she struggles to sleep. She has been this way since she was little.  I hate that she struggles to do something that should be natural.  I know other parents who have the same struggle with their children.

     Then there are people who sleep easily, but wake up throughout the night.  Menopause can cause many women to have this problem.  There are medications to help us go through menopause, but it is a balancing act to find what works for each person...there is no magic formula that is one size fits all.  Sometimes we wake up soaking wet from night sweats and have to cool off before we are able to get back to sleep.  Other times, we can't cool off and get back to sleep at all.  And I won't even talk about new parents who get woken up all night long because baby needs feed, a new diaper, or just misses mom and dad!

     I will be seeing my doctor soon to discuss the results of a sleep study that I did a while ago.  I hope that he will give me some answers for my exhaustion.  I am sure that Jim is tired of hearing me snore and kick him throughout the night.  And Delainey would be happy if I didn't feel the need to take a nap every afternoon.  Me...I just want to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning ready to start the day.