Envy

     There, I said it, the emotion that has been hanging over me for a while now.  It's not a good emotion, it's not healthy, it's ugly, not nice, and just plain wrong.  I honestly don't know why I have been struggling with envy recently.  Maybe I am spending to much time on social media, seeing what people want others to see about their lives.  I know that social media is deceptive and often times people only post the positive things that are happening.  Maybe I am just over thinking things and overlooking the wonderful things in my life.  I don't know why envy has had such a hold on my lately, but this morning, I have declared war on this emotion in my life.

     During my devotion and prayer time this morning, I stopped and listened, really listened, to the things and people that I was praying about.  I prayed for Flint, MI....the whole situation there is just so maddening and sad.  And I realized that I have clean water in my home.  I was praying for the health of several people.  And I realized that I am mostly healthy (other than a few minor aches and pains)...and I have health insurance that will allow me to see a doctor when I am not.  I prayed for a dear friend who is looking for answers about her child that is struggling in school and with her health.  And I realized that I have a daughter who does well in school and who has no major health issues.  I stopped praying and realized that God was speaking to me.  He was showing me my blessings as I prayed for those who didn't have the very things that I have.  He has given me a plan for this war I am fighting on the emotion of envy.

     The first thing that I am doing is to restart my gratitude journal.  Each day, I will be making a list of three things that am I thankful for.  I know that each day I will be able to find three things that make me happy, that I take for granted, that are blessings to me.  I won't be doing this publicly, because the intention is not to brag or make other envious.  It is to remind myself of all the good things that I have in my life.  Because I know that I have so many good things in my life.

     The next thing that I will be doing in this battle is spending time looking up and reading Bible verses about envy.  I will be reading about what God has to say about envy and how I can fight this negative emotion.  This morning I found an article with verses about comparing myself to others.  It will be going in my faith binder to read as part of my devotional time.  I also found another article talking about habits of people who don't get jealous.  I will be reading and working on ways to incorporate them into my life.

     The last, and strongest, thing that I will be doing in this battle is praying about this emotion in my life.  I don't like envy.  I don't like the way that it makes me feel.  I feel ugly and petty even admitting that I am struggling with envy.  But I feel like the only way to fight this emotion is to admit it, to say it out loud, and then to give it to God, really give it to Him.  I have tried, but it hasn't been working....because I have been fighting alone.  I haven't wanted to let Him fight this battle for me.  I keep thinking that I can do this better than anyone, including God, but it hasn't been working.

     In writing this, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.  We all have our struggles, this just happens to be mine right now.  I don't want anyone to not tell me about the great things going on in your life.  I really am happy for you!  I want nothing but great things for my family and friends.  I just need to work on counting all of my blessing each and every day.  The one thing that I ask of you, is that you pray with me as I work on overcoming this green-eyed monster.  I am tired of my joy being taken by such an ugly emotion!