And the word is....

 "Be still and know that I am God" Psalms 46:10

As I have been thinking about my word for 2024, this verse has continued to come to my mind over and over. Be still is speaking to me, but what does being still mean? Is this really going to be my word? And does be still count since it's two words? And really, are there rules about MY word? 

Be still to me, is quieting myself and listening to God. For me, it also reminds me to allow others to speak before I speak. I also think that sometimes, it's okay for me not to insert my opinion into every situation...I need to let others be heard without stating how I feel. The author is saying through this verse that no matter what was happening around him, God was his refuge and strength. I like that and fully agree, but that's not the entire verse.

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted above the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalms 46:10

I searched GotQuestions.org to find some more information. According to that site, the word still comes from the Hebrew word rapa (or raphah), meaning to slacken, let down, or cease. Many people look at the phrase be still in the manner that I do, but it can also mean to stop frantic activity, to let down, and to be still. Being still involves looking to God for help. It also means to stop fighting a battle that I cannot win. Several other sites also show me that be still in not just taking time to quiet myself and listen. It is so much more. It is God commanding us to release control of a situation to Him. It's surrendering control. That's a lot...surrender control. Be still is a command to take time to pause and reflect to remind ourselves that God is in control.

"He got up, rebuked the wind, and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be Still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm" Mark 4:39

The disciples are in a boat with Jesus during a storm. Jesus is sleeping and the disciples are afraid. They wake Him and he tells the storm "Quiet! Be Still!" Basically, He is telling the storm to shut up. I need to hear that message at times, I need to shut up. Is this what I carry with me into 2024?

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." Psalms 37:7

Knowing-Jesus.com says that being still is resting in Him, trusting in His truth, abiding in His love, and being content to wait for His timing. The site also mentions having purposeful patience and not being glum. I like this usage of being still. If I am trusting in God's truth, I need to be reading His word. I need to wait, and in that waiting, I need to be content. I need to stop worrying about what people around me are doing and keep my focus on God. 

So, my word (or in this case, words) for 2024 is Be Still. Surrender to God, shut up when it's time, and rest in Him. It's time to start the journey....

Renew

      I've been picking a word of the year since 2011.  Some years the word is easy to find and other years it takes me a while. Some years the word finds me and other years it takes me searching for the word. This year I really didn't worry about my word because I knew that eventually it would be clear. And then a word showed up on my radar. I really don't like that word. It's a hard word and I just couldn't say it out loud. When I finally told Jim, he had the same reaction that I did, so I kept waiting for confirmation of my word. 

     Just like in the past when I have searched for my word, I turned to my Bible. Just like in the past, I found a verse that led me to my word for the year. As an added bonus, the verse will help guide me along the way. I really feel like I need sound effects here...cue the drum roll please!

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

     My word for 2023 is renew. I want to renew my strength, getting back to when I used to be able hike without getting winded, being able to have energy to do things again. I want to renew my study time. I have gone away from reading my Bible each day. I have a devotional that I read, but I don't spend time reading the Bible daily. I also need to renew my prayer time, spending time listening as well as talking. I want to renew our family time. We spend time together, but is it quality time? I want to make it quality time. I need to spend time renewing my relationships with my friends. I want to make time for them, time flies and before we know it, we are out of time.

     I look forward to seeing how my year of renewal works out. I need to put the effort into my word in order to see the results. I am excited about my word of the year. Hopefully this year, I will actually take time to write about it as the year goes on. Writing is one of the things that I hope to renew this year!

     

Momma Tribes

      When people find out they are having a baby, many people start reading and researching how to raise a child. What to Expect When You are Expecting has been around for years. I had copy, and I referred to it often. After the baby is born, parents are flooded with advice. There are books about raising babies, toddlers, tweens, teens, and even college age students. If you even think about a child rearing topic, you can find books about it. Everyone will gladly share what they think is important about parenting. The one thing that no one told me was how important the tribe of moms would be in my life. 

     I became a parent late in life...I was 40, pretty close to 41, when I finally had D. Most of my friends where well past the newborn stage. In fact, a few of my friends were becoming grandparents while I was a new parent. To be honest, it was pretty lonely. My friends were past late-night feedings, dirty diapers, and bottles. Luckily, I found a website with other moms...who had kids the same ages as my kids. Yes, I was a little older, but online, age didn't matter. Those women on that website became my tribe of moms. If I had a question, one of them was either dealing with the same issue currently or had already handled something similar. They became my lifeline. That website is gone, but the relationships I made are still there...those mommas are still part of my tribe.

     My mom tribe has changed over the years as well. Some of the moms I was close to when D was young are still part of my mom tribe. I have moms who are praying for my child daily, because that's what my tribe does for our children. We don't live near family. My momma tribe has in many ways filled in for the family that isn't nearby. I have people who will pick up D if Jim or I can't be there. I have people who can and do check on D when I ask. Today, two different mommas sent me photos of D because I wasn't at a school function. That's what a tribe of moms do for each other. 

     I am not close to all the moms that are part of my tribe. We might only talk occasionally, and that's okay. I know that if I needed help with D, I could count on so many of them. I try not to give advice to new parents unless they ask. We all have our own path in the parenting world. I will tell all moms out there this one thing... find a tribe of moms. They don't have to be your best friends, but they need to be someone that you can share stories with. Step out of your comfort zone. You need moms who are going through the same stages of life with you and your kiddo. Find a tribe of mommas...and be part of their tribe as well. 

Kindness with a K

      Last night, I attended a celebration of life for a young man. I listened to his family and friends share stories of him. I thought about the times that I was around him. He was part of my daughter's band family (and by extension my band family). He was part of my work family. The overwhelming take-away from this young man is kindness. 

     I saw his kindness firsthand during band. He never let anyone carry a heavy load. When D had a load of flags to bring home one evening, they were brought to my car by this young man...because, according to him, D didn't need to carry them alone. When the marching band was headed to their state competition, he baked them cookies and sent them an encouraging letter. He couldn't go with them because he was getting ready for a cancer treatment. He thought of others instead of himself. 

     I learned that this kind young man told his close friends about his illness himself. He was worried about how they would react, rather than about himself. I learned that he made special treat for teachers when he found out what they liked. He made cookies for the nurses at the hospital to thank them for taking care of him. He made gluten free treats when he heard about allergies. I learned that he worried about others so much more than he worried about himself. 

     Konnar with a K was all about kindness. I don't know why he had to leave this life so young. I don't have the words to comfort my grieving daughter and their friends. I do know how I am going to remember him. I am going to try to become kinder than I am. I am going to do little things to bring joy to others. I am going to practice kindness with a K.

Two days....

      This past Tuesday was the last day of Mardi Gras, which literally means Fat Tuesday. At our house, we celebrate Fat Tuesday with pancakes and bacon.  I serve our meal on my fancy plate.

Some years I make cupcakes that are reminiscent of a king cake, complete with a plastic baby hidden in one of the cupcakes. That's all that we do to celebrate this festival of gluttony. It's the last hurrah before the fasting and sacrifice of Lent. It's silly and a something that we have done for years in our family. It has no deep meaning attached to it, just something fun for my family.

     And then comes Wednesday...Ash Wednesday, otherwise known as the first day of Lent. Lent commemorates the 40 days that Jesus spent fasting in the desert. It leads us to the celebration of Easter. When D was young, they would often tell me that there was good news and bad news about Easter. The bad news was that Jesus died, but the good news was that He came back to life. I remember the look of joy when D told me that story. Until Easter Sunday, Lent is a time of reflection and sacrifice. Some people give up things like soda...I've done that and then I go right back to drinking it again when the season is over. Other people add in extra Bible study for the season. I have tried that, but I struggle to do my regular devotions...adding in more would just overwhelm me. This year I am being called to do something completely out of my wheelhouse....

     I was having a conversation with some friends the other day about how they are feeling as if they can't focus. They feel that they are being pulled in so many directions and are struggling to get things accomplished. That same day, I had a conversation with another group of friends. They are just struggling to feel anything at all. Or they are overcome with emotions...sadness, despair, exhaustion. I talked with another friend who is having parenting struggles. I have been in all of those situations at one time or another, but right now, I feel that I am in a pretty good place (yes, I know, that could change at any moment). 

     One of the groups I was with prayed together. It was a strong prayer and many of us were moved to tears. I was teary, I had goosebumps, but I also felt the Holy Spirit with us in that room. After that meeting, I went to our chapel. My pastor prayed as he put ashes on my forehead in the shape of a cross. Again, I felt the Holy Spirit with me. An idea began to form in my heart, before I could give it words. And by this morning, I had words for that idea that the Holy Spirit planted in me. 

I am being called to pray for my friends specifically this season. I pray for them always, but I am feeling strongly that I need to be praying extra...I don't know why I am being called to this. I don't know what I need to be praying for, but He knows. I am not a warrior when it comes to prayer, but I am going to become one during this Lenton season. I hope to get up just a little earlier and spend focused time...time when I lift up my friends. 

Two days....so completely different. A day that celebrates gluttony, parties, and revelry. And a day that starts down a path that while somber, leads us to the best day ever. And while we are going down that path, I will be praying...praying for my family and friends, for our country, for the world. And if you need prayer, send me a message so that I can lift you as well.

Doing New Things

      I just finished a new thing. I am not ready to say what it is just yet, but dang it was hard. I don't like doing new things. Anyone who knows me knows that...but I'm getting better at it.  This was really hard. I struggled. I overthought every step that I made. I cried more than once. I felt like a failure often. But I kept going. Even when I wanted to give up, I didn't.

     While I was doing this new thing, I let other things in life slide. Jim and Delainey didn't get many meals made at home. There was a lot of fast food and eating out. I leaned on them both to keep the house going...and just as I knew they would, they handled it. I leaned on friends for prayer when the struggle became overwhelming. I had friends talking me down when I was in panic mode. I have a village surrounding me, and they were definitely holding me up during this time!

     I have another big thing coming up soon, but I have a break. During that break, I am going to breath and take some time for myself. I am going to spend some extra time with my family, because they deserve my time! I am going to plan just a little more for the next big thing because I know what I am looking forward to with the next thing. 

     My biggest take away from this big thing, is that I can do it. I am stronger than I think that I am. New things will always be intimidating, but they can lead to better things ahead!

**and just to be vaguely clear, this new hard thing is not bad. We are all healthy, I just have new things on the horizon. 

     

Prayer

      I absolutely believe in the power of prayer. I have seen prayer do amazing things. I am not the best at formal praying. I'm more of a casual conversation type of prayer person. And praying out loud...that's rough, but I am trying. I am also trying to use more formal prayer time. In March, my church is planning a daylong workshop on prayer that Jim and I are planning to attend. I can't wait to learn more about how prayer can deepen my faith.

     Today at work, I sent a message to a friend to let them know I was praying for them. They haven't asked for prayers. I don't see any indication that they have anything going on in life that they need extra prayers. They were on my mind and heart, so I said a prayer for them, and I let them know I was praying for them. And when I had free time today, I continued to pray for them. This afternoon, it occurred to me that I can continue to pray for them this week. I can pray over their job, their family, the entire person. So that is what I am going to do this week.

    Then it occurred to me...if I can do this for one friend one week, why can't I do the same thing every week? There is no reason that it won't work...unless I slack off. But I really want to do this. I want to create a prayer circle...network...something. I am sure that this is nothing new, but it is for me. I am going to continue with my usual prayers, but I really want to focus on one person for one week at a time. I am sure that God will provide the person to me. And I don't know if I will say anything to that person, but I feel like it gives me some accountability. 

     Will you join me in praying specifically for someone this week? You don't have to tell them. You don't have to tell anyone else. The One hearing the prayers will know that you are praying. And you never know who needs your prayers.

The word for 2022...

   

  Some years, I search really hard for a word, and it works perfectly. Other years the word comes to me easily. This year was a combination of things. I have been searching for my word, but nothing felt right. I decided to do a search for words and create kept surfacing. Then a Bible verse popped into my mind. I don't have many verses committed to memory, so I decided that this was one of those nudges from God that I am trying to watch for in my life.

CREATE

1: to make or produce (something): to cause (something new) to exist

2: to cause (a particular situation) to exist

3: to produce (something new, such as a work of art) by using your talents and imagination

    

    The third meaning really speaks to me...to produce by using MY talents. I have several dreams for the upcoming year that I hope to better utilize my talents. There are a few people who see talents in me that I struggle to see, so I hope to develop those as well. I don't look at myself as particularly creative, but there are many ways to create in life. I hope to explore them this year.

    I am going to use a verse to help guide me along the way in the upcoming year as well. This is the verse that came to me as I was searching for my word. I pray that I listen, learn, and stay faithful along my journey.

    

 

Another year ending...

      2021 is almost over, just over 24 hours are left in the year. Once again, I can look back at all the things I didn't do, or I can look at all the things that I did do. There was a time that I would focus on what I didn't do, but I am trying to give myself grace and focus on the positive things!

     I was asked by a friend to be part of an amazing weekend called The Great Banquet. I said yes easily and eagerly. Then that same friend asked me to speak at that weekend. I said yes, but only because I prayed long and hard about saying yes.  I cannot say enough about the weekend. If you need to spend some time with Jesus, ask me about The Great Banquet, I will be happy to make sure that you are part of a weekend soon.

     We, Jim and I, paid down some debt that we have had. We aren't done, but we have made some great strides in becoming more financially secure. 

     We took vacations!  Jim, Delainey, and I spent a week with friends at their home in Alabama. It was wonderful to be away from home, but it was even better to see our friends. We went camping...okay, we stayed in a beautiful, non-rustic cabin...but we had friends who were camping at the same time and place. D took a friend, Jim and I got to visit with two of our favorite people, and we had a great time. D and I took a girl's trip to Alabama with a friend (and her husband tagged along, but we still called it our girl trip). We had a lovely condo on the water and didn't want to leave. D and I took a road trip to visit my mom...and a day side trip to Michigan as well.

     I said yes to several things lately. I am serving on a few teams at church. Some of them are outside of my comfort zone, but it feels right to say yes.

     I have taken a big leap recently. I am not ready to share much but let's just say that God has been nudging me for a long time. Recently He stopped nudging and smacked me in such a way that I know I am finally listening, obeying, and following.

    My word for 2021 is willing. I have tried to do things outside of my comfort zone with a willing spirit. Hopefully I have succeeded more than I have failed. As I get ready to head into a new year, I hope that I keep giving myself grace, keep focusing on the positive, and stay willing.

Time Flies

 Where has the time gone?  Fifteen years ago, I was heading to the hospital early in the morning.  Jim and I watched 'The Quiet Man'.  I visited with my mom.  We listened to Jimmy Buffet.  And at 9:02. Dr. Gates announced that Delainey had finally arrived.  That long day has turned into very short years!

When she was little she was sweet and sassy, determined to do things herself, but she still wanted us by her side.  She had a temper, but it didn't last long.  She had a heart of gold.  She loved to dance and be silly.  Her Pink Bear was always with her.  She loved music and Barbie movies.

Today, she is still the same girl.  She is still sweet and sassy.  I worry that her sassiness will get her in trouble, but it seems that she knows just how sassy she can be!  She is such a determined person.  She wanted a room make over.  Jim and I don't like painting, so she spent yesterday painting her bedroom.  She still has a temper, but it still doesn't last long...she has a forgiving heart.  She still spins and dances at home, but I don't think that she does much public dancing.  Pink Bear...let's just say she's looking very loved after fifteen years.  Music is her passion although Barbie movies are a thing of the past.

I am not one to cry over the past.  I have loved the past fifteen years of watching my girl grow.  There were some rough times, but we got through them.  I am sure that there will be rough patches in the future. I enjoy spending time with her, because not only do I love her, but I genuinely like her!  I am looking forward to what the next year brings in her life.  I try to remember that the days are long, but the years are short.  On  Delainey's birthday, that seems more true than ever.

Grace

a virtue coming from God

a temporary exemption; reprieve

the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful*

 I have been thinking a lot about grace lately.  I almost chose it for my word of the year, but it just didn't seem like the right one.  I am struggling to give grace easily.  I have to remind myself to give grace. As my friend said the other day, Grace seems to be staying home and avoiding people these days.  More than ever, we need to give grace to so many people.  I know that I need to be given grace daily as well.

I work in retail.  I don't deal with the public in my position often, but when I do...it's hard.  It's hard to walk by a maskless person and not give them stink-eye.  I know that there are some people who cannot wear a mask, but most of the people I see just don't want to wear one.  I get it, not everyone thinks that they work.  But what if they do?  What does it harm someone to wear one for the short time that they are in a store shopping?  Grace...I need to give it to everyone, not just the people doing what I think they should be doing.  

I belong to a few groups that discuss elder care and families.  There are people in those groups who feel putting someone in long term care is the worst thing that you could do to someone you love.  I struggle to give those people grace.  Each person has different circumstances in their life and no situation is the same.  Honestly, we didn't think that we would be faced with this either.  But at some point, we had to think about the safety of everyone in our family.  It was the right choice for us and I know that we aren't alone in making that hard choice.  I try to give grace to those who think we have done the wrong thing, just I hope they are giving us the same grace.  

I have been learning to give myself grace as well.  I had some pretty lofty hiking goals for myself this month.  Between the weekend weather, family commitments, and some health things, I didn't reach my goal.  It's okay though, a new month is coming so I can set some new goals.  I don't need to beat myself up for what I didn't accomplish, but should find joy in the hikes that I did take.  Grace means giving myself a break.

Grace is hard.  We want everyone to do the right thing...as long as it is our right thing.  That isn't how grace works though.  Grace is considerate. Grace is thoughtful.  Grace is a virtue from God.  Just imagine how different life would be if we all gave grace to others.  I can't speak for anyone else, but I will be trying to give grace to all.  I won't always succeed, but I will keep trying.  I hope that I am given the same grace by others. 

*definition by Merriam-Webster

Hard Things

No, I am not going to talk about 2020, I did that already.  I am not going to talk about what's going on in the world, I just don't have the words.  We have been dealing with some hard things here at home, but we have faced them.  Hopefully we are succeeding! 

I was asked to write something.  I enjoy writing, but it's been a really long time since I was given a topic write about.  Usually I write whatever is on my mind.  I tried to write about any of the topics that I was given, but I struggled.  I was ready to say no, but then I remembered my word for the year...Willing.  Saying no is okay, but I want to be willing to do things that are hard.  I thought back to what an author I know has said about writing...just do a little each day.  I prayed and then shut off all the distraction around me.  The words mostly came and I think they are going to work.  I am still working on the ending, but I know it will come.  

Jim has a fear of dentists, like many of us.  He had a bad experience when he was a child so he puts things off until he just can't anymore.  Thursday he did a hard thing and had several procedures done.  Then he turned around and went to work Friday.  Most of us would have been in bed for a couple of days, but Jim is like that.  He isn't finished, but I know that he will continue.

D went back to school for a new semester.  Because of several events beyond anyone's control, her schedule had to be changed.  She has a couple of classes that only meet during a certain period, which limits her flexibility.  She had some periods with no classes and some with two classes.  She met with her counselor and they came up with some solutions.  Jim and I were part of the discussion, but she had the final say in what she is doing.  She is now taking eight classes instead of seven...two of them virtually.  There will be days that it might seem overwhelming, but she is prepared to put in the work needed.

Probably the hardest thing this week is knowing we can't be physically with Jim's mom right now.  She fell earlier in the week and fractured her hip.  She had surgery Thursday.  Because of COVID, we can't see her at the hospital. She has Alzheimer's and is alone in a strange place.  I am sure that she is in pain, confused and lonely.  It's hard.  We have to trust that the hospital staff is taking care of all her needs.  But it's still a hard thing.

In the big scheme of things, these aren't huge.  We will encounter harder things in life.  The little hard things prepare us for the bigger hard things.  We lean on each other when we have hard things in our life.  We trust that God has a plan for us in these hard things.  We know that hard things will pass...and we will be glad that they are over.   Personally, I am glad that this week is over and I am ready for a new week with fewer hard things happening.

The Word is...

My word for 2021 hasn't been an easy process.  Some years, I just know that the word is right.  Other years I pick a word and doesn't fit.  I struggled.  I found a worksheet that asks questions and lists goals that I have for the upcoming year.  I thought about reusing balance...one of my favorite words ever.  It didn't feel right.  I have used the word intentional before and that's one that kept coming back to me.  I began to look at synonyms for intentional.  Some of the those are good words: determined, deliberate, willing, calculated, intended, conscious.

The dictionary became my friend next in the process.  Determined-make a firm decision and not change...sounds to rigid for my word.  Deliberate-unhurried and methodical, done on purpose...close to what I want.  Willing-done or given readily or gladly...sounds good.  Calculate sounds to much like math.  Intended makes me think of marriage.  Conscious is to hard to say and spell (seriously a thought for me).  Maybe I need to switch gears.

My next list of words in my journal:  Fearless-nope, not the year for that.  Focus-a reused word again.  Mindful-conscious or aware of something, focusing awareness on the present moment...good one. Commit-be dedicated.  Strive-make great efforts to achieve...I like this.  Believe-to accept as true...I like this, but it isn't feeling right.  Journey-a long and difficult process of personal change...scary!

I kept marking no on words as I would read and pray over them.  I brought my list down to four:  Deliberate, Willing, Commit, Strive.  They all have similar meanings and applications, but one just kept standing out due to one word in the definition...gladly.  I do things that are the "right" thing to do, but do I always do them in the right frame of mind?  Do I do things gladly?  

Willing:

done, given, etc., readily or gladly

Because of that one word, gladly, Willing is my word for 2021.  I want to live in the year doing or giving gladly.  I want to be a willing participant in what is happening to me and around me.  I feel like I have often let things happen and just gone with the flow of life, which isn't a bad thing,  but I want to be willing to make the changes that I feel are necessary for me.  I want make those changes gladly!

Stay tuned.  One of the things that I want to do this year is write.  Writing about my word tends to keep my accountable.  I have a goal sheet sheet that I am hoping will help me focus this year.  As always, I have people in my life who help keep me accountable and on the right path!  Here's to 2021, the year of being willing!

Lessons Learned

  2020 was hard...everyone knows that.  But there were lessons learned and growth happened. Things fell by the wayside this year and other things became important.  There were many things that were missed, they can't be replaced.  For many people, priorities shifted.  This was all true in my household.

Jim and I learned that we can do things that we never thought possible.  I am not a nurse.  I don't want to be a nurse, although I think Jim would be a good one.  We became caretakers in a major way for his parents for several months.  It wasn't easy, but I am glad that we did what we did for them.  Their care became pretty intense until we finally weren't able to continue.  Putting them into long term care was hard, but we can honestly say that we did all that we could to keep them home for as long as we were able.  

I have become more appreciative of the quietness.  I have always craved quiet time, but didn't realize how little I was getting until recently.  When there is a family of 5 in the house, including two that are basically housebound, you don't get to be alone often.  It's been nice to be alone.  

I have missed the physical act of going to church.  I miss teaching Sunday school.  We still attend church virtually, but it's different.  I am happy that we have the technology, but I look forward to the day when we can worship physically together.  D misses youth group and Sunday School.  There have been so many people who have worked to keep the youth connected, but it's not the same.  Technology doesn't replace being face to face with people.

Technology is a wonderful thing.  D has teachers that have worked so hard to connect with her.  Virtual learning is not perfect...there is still a long way to go, but in our case, it has been successful.  D has been able to use Google meets, Zoom game nights, and video calls to keep in touch.  Marco Polo has continued to let me see the faces and hear the voices of my friends.

I have enjoyed hiking with my family.  We spent time out in the woods, just the three of us.  I have come to realize that summer is my least favorite time to hike.  Yes, it's pretty and green, but it's also hot.  I don't like to sweat.  Winter, spring, and fall hiking is my thing!  We spent time at several state parks and forests this year.  I am already looking and planning hikes for the next year.

I spent time reading this year.  I didn't spend time on other hobbies.  That's okay.  I read some things that pushed me out of my comfort zone.  I put down books that I didn't like...time is to short to read a book that isn't holding my interest.  I have books on my list to read for next year already.  There are so many books and just not enough time.

I spent time organizing and cleaning.  I have hoarding tendencies...don't most of us?  I gave up things that are just taking up space.  I have more to do, but I know that I can do it!  Everyone in my house has spent time time cleaning and purging this year.  It felt good and as we continue, it will feel even better. My goal is to keep the things that make me happy and give the rest to someone else.

I missed vacations this year, but it was the right thing to do.  Instead we took a few little trips to places that we felt safe.  We stayed outside more and I haven't missed going to stores...much.  There are days that I want to go out and shop, but it wasn't necessary, so I didn't.  Or I shopped online.  I am not saying that we avoided going to stores, but we have been very selective about where and when we go.  

A dear friend says often that the days are long, but the years are short.  There were days that felt like they would never end, but in reality, this year has flown past.  2020 kicked my butt in so many ways, but I am still here and looking forward to what the future holds for me.

Fourteen Years Ago

     Fourteen years ago, I didn't know who the Wiggles were.  I was clueless about the Doodlebops.  I knew which Disney princess was which, but I didn't have their stories committed to memory.  I never sat down to watch an episode of Wild Kratts.  I never thought that I would watch a show called Little Einsteins.  As a matter of fact, fourteen years ago, there were channels on tv that I would have never turned on.

     Fourteen years ago, the color pink wasn't featured predominantly in my house.  I didn't have Barbies (and Barbie movies), American Girl dolls, and Precious Moments figurines all over the place.  I didn't have every ingredient on hand to make slime.  I didn't have arts and craft supplies ready at a moments notice.  I didn't panic if a certain bear wasn't found at bedtime.

     Fourteen years ago, I didn't know about marching band and color guard.  I didn't know about horse riding and swim lessons.  I didn't know about 4H projects, fair entries, and all the work that it takes to get from an idea to a blue ribbon project.  I didn't know about hand chime choirs, National History Day competitions, robotics meets, and poetry readings.

     Fourteen years ago, I didn't know about sleepovers, movie marathons, and shopping with teenagers.  I didn't know how much girls can giggle and eat.  I didn't know what kind of mess that gets left behind after a sleepover.  I didn't know how loud a music practice room can be when everyone is practicing a different song.  I didn't know about working concessions stands and bonding with people over nachos with cheese.

     Fourteen years ago, I didn't have any idea how much my life would be changing.  I didn't know that I would be able to clean up vomit without getting sick myself.  I didn't know that someone else's pain would make me cry.  I didn't know that my mom's words would be coming out of my mouth.  I didn't know that my heart could hold so much love.

     Fourteen years ago it all changed.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Least of These

     Jim and I went on a date Saturday night.   We don't get out alone very often.  D is generally with us when we do things.  She is at an age where she is old enough to stay home alone, but in our house, she wouldn't actually be alone.  Jim's parents live with us.  Normally it would be great to have built in sitters for our family.  When they lived with us six years ago, it worked out very well.  But then changes happened.

     Jim's mom has Alzheimer's.  It is a terrible disease.  She used to be a hard working, smart lady.  This disease has taken so much from her.  She has forgotten how to do many of the things that she did in the past.  Jim's dad had a stroke three years ago.  He used to be a very physical man.  He worked hard and was very independent.  The stroke has taken his independence and many of his physical abilities. They both get frustrated with what they can't do.  And that frustration sometimes comes with loud, angry words from both of them.  And that's why we don't go out alone very often...we don't want to leave her home alone in an atmosphere that can be unpleasant at times.

     But Saturday night we had a date night.  Luckily, the home front was peaceful for the evening.  Jim and I went to a local community theater for dinner and a show with some friends.  We saw the musical Godspell.  It is based on the gospel of Matthew, in a groovy sort of way.  Yes, I said groovy.  It is from the early 70's, so think hippy and groovy.  I mean, at one point Jesus and Judas do a soft shoe number.  I doubt that many people come away with a need to look up Bible verses when they get home.  But I did.

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you,

whatever you did for one of the least of these 

brothers and sisters of mine,

 you did for me."

                                                                                   Matthew 25:40

     Oh my, am I doing for the least of them, the ones who mentally or physically can't anymore?  Am I doing it willingly, with a happy heart?  Or am I doing things grudgingly because I should, because it's the right thing to do?  Honestly, I try to do for others.  I try to be helpful and show kindness.  But in my home, with people who depend on me, am I showing kindness and love?  I will very honestly tell you that the answer is no.  I can give all the excuses in the world, but it doesn't make it right.  I need to do better because He expects better from me.  So, it is time for me to grow...to show love, to be kind and compassionate, to do for the least of these.  

   

Grow...Food

    No, I am not starting a vegetable garden, I do not have a green thumb.  I am growing in my mindfulness about food, again.  Jim and I are on day 20 of Whole30.  I haven't been perfect in keeping of the rules and recommendations of the program, but I have been pretty close.  Jim has done a great job following the rules.  We are both feeling better and thinking about the food that we eat.

     The basic "rules" of the program include no dairy, no legumes, no grains, limited nuts, and no added sugars.  There are very little processed foods that made without these items, so we have been cooking from scratch and using 'real' foods.  Most days we are doing okay with this .  I really miss my coffee...coffee is allowed, but not my sugar and cream.  I am looking forward to adding this back into my mornings.  Jim misses chips.  Sadly, we don't get to jump into eating all the stuff  on day 31.  We add things in slowly to see if our bodies have physical reactions.  It will be interesting to see what happens during that period.

     Jim and I both know how we should eat.  We have both watched the movie Food, Inc (a must watch for anyone concerned about food).  Two of my favorite books are Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver and In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan.  We know the benefits of eating real food, but we also get lazy.  Fast food is convenient, lives are busy, and we get tired.  The last 20 days, Jim and I have been planning our menus.  We have been cooking at home, with fresh ingredients and 'real' food.  We have been enjoying some new meals and have made some favorites healthier.  We have both been cooking, rather than just throwing something in the microwave.

     We won't be able to maintain Whole30 forever, but it's my hope that we take the lessons that we are learning as we move forward.  I hope to continue to meal plan, and cook with healthy ingredients.  As I continue to grow in 2020, I want to be mindful about the foods that I eat.  When I eat better foods, I feel better.  In order to do more this year, I need to feel better.  It is cliché, but it really does start with food.

Word...Version 9

     It's hard to believe that I have been picking a word since 2011 (I skipped a year along the way).  Some words have stuck with me in many ways, others...well it's good that I blogged what they were, because I would have no clue otherwise.  Last year was one of those years.  My word, intentional, is a great word, but I just let it slide.  Some words come to me in a whisper, others as a shout, and others just sing to me.  This years word sang to me.

     Jim and I were watching The Sound of Music the other day.  We love that musical in our house.  When the VonTrapp children started singing Edelweiss, the line "bloom and grow" would not leave my mind.  It played on repeat for days...even after Delainey watched the movie again.  But what word, bloom or grow?  I felt that last year, I was stagnant...I don't feel that I grew much, so I am not sure that I am ready to bloom just yet.  I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just how I feel when I look back on 2019.  So in 2020, my plan is to grow...in many ways.

     I feel that I have put a healthy lifestyle on the backburner for a while now.  My plan is to start Whole30 this month to kickstart better food choices for us.  Jim, D, and I are all attempting this adventure starting on Monday.  I know that we can do it, I have several friends who are planning on supporting me in this journey.  The family and I have also started of the year hiking.  The weather has been amazingly warm here, so we have taken advantage of it twice so far.  We have even taken the dog with us...not easy since she is horrible in the car!

     I also feel the need to grow my faith more this year.  I find time to read almost every day, but I struggle to find time to read my Bible and do a daily devotional.  My priorities need to be adjusted a bit.  I have a group of ladies who I am hoping will hold me accountable for my study time.  As a family, we need to get back to our Wednesday night classes this year.  Again, it is a matter of making it a priority for us...which means planning meals for everyone and making sure that we have time to get to church each week.

     I have several other things that I plan to grow this year...I just need to make a plan and follow it.  I am sure that there will be days that I don't do what I have planned and that's okay.  I also am sure that I will learn things that I can't imagine today.  But here's to 2020 and growing!

Open Book

     This is not about testing, although I think that open book tests are pretty awesome.  This also isn't about the latest book that I have read, even though reading is one of my favorite things.  This is about me.  For the most part, I am an open book.  If it's happening in my life, I share it with people.  Sometimes with friends, sometimes with strangers, but I share my stories....even if they are lame. I always have.  I share about what is going on in my life because it's what I know.   

     When Jim was going through his cancer treatments and recovery, I was the one who gave updates.  He wasn't comfortable giving the information, but he was okay with me sharing the joys and concerns.  I am the one who is more vocal about the ups and downs of living as part of a three generation home.  I am also pretty vocal about the teen that living in our home. I tend to talk about her on a regular basis, sharing the parenting struggles that I have.  I share what is going on with me and my life because I don't want to keep things bottled up inside. 

     I don't know if being an open book is good or bad.  I guess that it would depend on your perspective.  I don't tend to keep things inside.  I don't want to keep my life secret, I believe in sharing.  I don't think that I have anything to say that hasn't already been said, but maybe I say it in a different way.  Maybe something that I share will help someone else who is on a similar path.  All the little things that I talk about are part of my story and who I am as a person.

     However, I have been told that I am guilty of over sharing.  D has asked that I not share so much about her and her activities.  That's going to be hard for me.  I love to talk about her accomplishments in life.  She feels that I am bragging.  I use my parenting struggles to encourage others along the way.  She feels that I am telling negative things about here.  I get it, being a teenager is tough enough.  without your mom telling everything there is to tell.  So I am going to attempt to stop over sharing stories about D.  If I write about her, I will make sure that she approves what I am going to say.  I think that is fair, not easy, but fair!

     Now I need to keep my book closed just a little bit more on certain parts of the story.  I have promised to keep D out of the spotlight a little more in sharing.  I haven't given Jim that same option though!  If you want to know what's going on, ask.  More than likely, I will share, but I might have to think about my audience first!

    

A Mom's Touch

     I know that I am not the only one...I posted on Facebook and several people agreed with me.  When we are sick, most of us want our moms.  Moms don't cure our sickness, but they provide the comfort that we all want when we are sick.  They have familiar remedies and routines for us when we are sick.  These remedies might not cure anything, but in most cases they provide a measure of comfort to us!

     Growing up, my mom made me drink hot tea, no matter what was wrong with me.  I still associate tea with being sick.  I can't stand regular tea, hot or cold.  I can drink herbal teas or specialty teas, but plain old Lipton tea, no thank you!  She also served me toast when I was sick, with butter, cinnamon, and sugar, cut into thirds.  I still love my toast that way, but I no longer need it in thirds, even when I am sick.  When I would vomit, she held my hair back so that I didn't get anything in it.  Mostly, it was just the thought that someone was near by in case I needed them.

     I spent two days last week sick in bed.  I had some sort of stomach virus that came on suddenly.  Luckily, Jim took over all my normal tasks and gave me the opportunity to stay in bed and recover. However, Jim is not the type who will hold my hair back when I puke.  He knows how I feel about plain tea, so he's never tried to bring me any.  Instead, he just quietly took over getting D to and from school, homework and bed time, along with dinner for the family.   He brought home Sprite and orange juice so that I can make my sick drink, nothing fancy, part Sprite, part orange juice.  I call it a shandy, not sure why, but that's what I call it.

     D has been battling allergies for over a week now.  Her seasonal allergies go crazy when the weather goes from cold to warm, but never really gets a good freeze.  Her issues are mostly just a low fever, coughing, and mucus...lots of mucus.  When she gets sick, I am pretty sure that she also wants her mom near.  I don't do much, hold her hair when she vomits, make her a shandy to drink, tuck her in bed, and listen to hear if she has any issues.  You know, the typical stuff that moms do when the kids are sick.  

     I don't wish sickness of any kind on anyone.  But if you are sick, I hope that you have someone who can provide that mother's comfort that we all want when we are sick.  Stay well!