"Pack your Personality"

     Delainey had a fun assignment the first week of school.  The teacher gave each student a small sack and they each had to find 4 items that were important to them.  I think that this is a great way to get to know someone.  Tonight, she and I were having a rough night between homework, chores, and grumpiness.  I decided to "Pack My Personality" for her.

     The first item in my bag (okay, I used a plastic box) was the cross that I received on my Emmaus walk last spring.  My faith is important to me.  When I am keeping my focus on God, I am a better person.  When I spend time praying and praising, I am happy.  My faith doesn't mean that I will have a perfect life, but it puts everything in perspective.  I don't worry or fear about the future when my focus is on God.

     The second item was a figurine of a father and daughter.  It represents my family, all of them, not just Jim and Delainey.  My family includes Shane and Dylan, my mom and her husband, my brother and his children, Jim's parents, assorted aunts, uncles, and cousins, and my friends who are my chosen family.  My family gives me a sense of purpose.  They make me smile.  I know that my family is there for me and I am there for them.  They mean the world to me.

     The third item in my box was my camera.  I love pictures.  I don't have a lot of photos of my when I was younger, so I cherish the ones that I have.  I want to have photos to look at when I am old.  I want Delainey to have photos to show her children and grandchildren.  When my memories fade, I want to have a photo that might trigger a memory of my past.

     The last item in my box was a sea shell.  I love the ocean.  I feel that all is well when I am on the water.  I don't need anything fancy...just need a beach chair, an umbrella, and a good book.  The ocean is my favorite place, but I am content at most bodies of water.  There is something about the water that soothes my soul.

     That's it, that is what I would put in my sack.  Delainey told me that I could share what she took to school so, I will do that tomorrow.  What would be in your "Pack your Personality" sack?

A member of the Family

     Over the past 7 years, Delainey has been blessed by some amazing gifts from friends and family members.  Some of those gifts have made lasting memories for my little girl.  One of those gifts has become a member of our family:

This is Pink Bear.

     If I would have known seven years ago how important Pink would become, I would have taken a picture of her all nice and new with her ribbon around her neck.  She has a few years of love her in this picture. We had family pictures for our church directory a couple of years ago, and Pink was part of those photos.

     Delainey loves Pink.  She is very important to the game of Pirate Daddy (PD wants to make Pinkers and gravy, so it is important that Pink is hidden very well).  Jim and I can always tell how tired D is by how she holds Pink. Delainey has a special spot that she loves to rub when she is tired.  Pink knows all of D's secrets and won't tell anyone!  Pink waits patiently for D to come home each and every day now that she doesn't travel with us to and from school (Pink used to love car rides).  We had to stop when Pink Bear partied to much in the car!

     Yesterday, we had a big scare at bedtime.  We couldn't find Pink Bear. D was in tears, I was looking frantically for Pink.  I finally found her hiding under the couch cushions.  Pink has been grounded to the bed for now. She only travels now when we are staying over night some where.  Jim and I are afraid that Pink will wander off.  While we got to enjoy the parks of Disney, Pink hid in the dresser drawer because D was worried that someone would fall in love with Pink and keep her.  None of us want to think of our family without Pink Bear!

Photo by JMS Photography

Getting Organized!

     At work, I know where everything belongs.  It all has a place and each day before I leave, I put it all away where it belongs.  At home, I have no organization.  It drives me nuts.  I have projects that I have started, but haven't finished.  I have books that I won't ever read laying around.  I have papers that I "should" keep.  I have magazines that I have read but are still taking up space.  It is time to conquer the clutter!  I have been searching blogs on organization.  I have been pinning away on Pinterest for ideas.  I have been asking my organized friends how they do it.

     My first step is to start purging items from the house.  I haven't gotten Jim and Delainey on board, but I will be finding one thing a day to get remove from my stuff.  If I haven't used it, wore it, or looked at it an a while, it will be going.  My friends might not like me, because they might be getting some of my "junk".  So far, I have got 3 books and a microwave chip maker in a bag for my friend Linda.  I am not sold on garage sales at this point.  The last sale that we had didn't do so well.  I might try some local garage sale groups, it will depend on what I find in the house.  My purging will probably be Goodwill's gain.

     I am also looking at ways to use the space that we have in the house better.  We have lots of cabinet space, but it is deep and not functional.  I have started in the kitchen already with some plastic drawers.  So far it seems so much better...way easier to find the plastic wrap or baggies!  I have plans, but need to start slowly so that I don't spend all our money at once!  I have some ideas for the hall closet as well.  Right now it is part linen closet, part craft closet.  I need the crafts to be set up in a better fashion.  I found a really cool idea using a shoe holder that will make things more accessible.

     I am excited to get our house organized.  I think that I will be more relaxed and less stressed.  I think that we all enjoy knowing that everything has a place and that it is in it's place.  It is going to be a process and I am sure that it will take time.  Hopefully the results will be worth while.

Parenting Fail...

     Last night was a terrible night.  It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night, to quote one of my favorite children's book.  Delainey was in a mood and I was in no mood for her mood.  I finally was done and put myself in time out for the night.  Jim took over and I think that they had a good night.  It was one of those nights that I don't want to repeat any time soon.  I was not the parent that I want to be, the parent that Delainey needs, or the the parent that God intends me to be.

     This morning I read my devotional and one of the verses was from Isaiah:

"Yet, O Lord, You are our Father;

We are the clay and You are the Potter.

We all are the work of Your hand"

Isaiah 64:8

This became my prayer all day...that I allow Him to shape me into the parent. the person, that He wants me to become.  I spent my drive to work thinking about all the things that went wrong last night.  I spent my time thinking about ways to correct the problems that happened last night.  And I feel like I have some ideas about how to make our evenings better.

     The first thing that needs to happen is that we all need more sleep in our house.  We all get cranky when we are tired.  D has been staying up past bedtime (8 is her normal bedtime) and still going to camp at the same time each morning.  I have been staying up until 10 or 11 each night...not a late night for a person who gets to sleep until 6 or so, but I get up at "the butt crack of dawn"...3 am.  So from now on, bed time is prompt, for both of us.  Jim is another story...he has issues sleeping, so he sleeps when he can.  

     The next issue is that we both have been spending to much time with our favorite screens (tv her, computer me) when we should be spending time together.  We are leaving chores undone, which stresses me out and makes me cranky.  So, tv and computer time are going to be limited.  I plan on buying a timer for the house so that when it rings, we are done.  I have also thought of some fun activities that we can do together, rather than stare at the screens.  I am also going to make a list of things that need to be done around the house daily.  All three of us work better when we have lists in front of us, so lists it is.  

     The last thing that I realized today is that sometimes there will be bad days.  I will fail some days, it is what I learn from those failing days that will make me a better parent, a better person.  Hopefully there are more stellar days than failing days.  And even in those days that I fail, there are moments of joy...yesterday we had a wonderful dinner and enjoyed the company of each other.  I need to remember that I don't need to be perfect, I just need to be the best parent. the best person,  that I can be. 

     I am clay...and His hands are molding me each day.

      

Queen of Style...Not...

     Delainey has her own sense of style and I am not sure where it comes from.  She has definite ideas about what she likes and doesn't like to wear.  Skirts and dresses on on the like list, as are some jeans.  Skorts, shorts and most pants are not on the list.  Cowgirl boots, Crocs, and flip-flops are hits, shoes that tie, low cut shirts are misses.  Socks with seams, boy shorts are out, pink is in.  Shoes with heels-yes, hats-no.  It has been fun to watch her style develop over time, but I sometimes miss the days that I could pick out her clothes every day.

     I on the other hand, have no clue about style.  I usually feel like a fashion don't, but I try to be comfortable at all times.  For work, I don't have much of a choice...brown/khaki bottoms, green top.  Boring, but nice to not think about my choices at 3 am when I am getting ready.  The rest of the time, I struggle with finding clothes that I like and that look good on me.  I don't like to spend money on myself, so I tend to buy from the clearance racks.  Colors that work on me...I haven't a clue.  I know that I like my hair long, but truly, that is so I can pull it back out of my way!

     Since my surgery, I have been wearing longer skirts, and I like them.  Casual, comfortable, and cool in the heat, easy to pair with a tee shirt and one of my two pair of sandals!  When cooler weather gets here, I will be in jeans when in public, cozy pj pants at home.  Tennis shoes or my boots cover my feet.  Shoe shopping is usually torture for me, I am so not a girl sometimes!  For me, it is all about the comfort, not really about the look.

     I envy the people that always look so put together all the time.  They make it look effortless.  You know the ones...they have jeans with a cute top and the exact right jacket, and shoes that match.  I don't think that I will ever be one of those people.  I just hope that I look presentable in what I am wearing!

Life without Poise

     I don't even know where to start this post.  As a 48 year old woman, it is embarrassing to admit that I pee my pants.  Buying Poise pads is not a cool thing to do, but for the past year, I should have gotten a bulk discount.  I kept thinking that things would get better, but they didn't.  I had a conversation just under a year ago with my family doctor about my bladder issues.  I decided to wait.  Then I ended up with the flu.  And I was sick for over a month...coughing, puking, peeing for hours at a time.  It was time to see a urologist.  

     The first visit was painless, just a consultation.  The next two visits were not so much fun.  A test to see how full my bladder could get...and then to see how much it leaks.  Yea, not a fun afternoon.  And not easy to maintain any sense of dignity during the test either.  The next test was a scope just to take a look at my inner working.  And then I got the results from the doctor.  His official wording..."I have the bladder of a 67 year old woman" and I "leak like a sieve".  Great...my doctor is a comedian.  Jim thought the doctor should take his show on the road.  The laughter did help with my embarrassment, but still....  

     

     The doctor recommended surgery.  I have never had surgery before, so I was scared.  And he recommended the mesh sling...you know the one that you see all the commercials for.  Hmmmm, what an option.  Jim did some research and we did discuss the medical issues with the doctor.  After weighing the odds, I decided that I wanted relief.  I wanted to be able to run, jump, and sneeze without the fear of wetting my pants.  

     I had surgery two weeks ago.  It went well according to the comedian, I mean doctor.  I didn't have much pain, but I was sore.  According to the nurses, my pain tolerance is pretty high.  I am still recovering slowly.  I sit on a pillow.  I am not ready to run yet and I am not supposed to do any lifting.  I go back to the doctor in three weeks.  Hopefully I will get a clean bill of health.

     So many people have been very supportive.  I have received messages from friends telling me that they have had the surgery and are so happy that they did.  I had other people tell me that a friend of their sisters cousin had it done and it was horrible.  I am choosing to look on the positive side of this surgery.  I am choosing to look forward to being normal again, to not plan my life around a bathroom.  I hope that I am able to overcome the embarrassment so that others wont' have to suffer as I did.  I hope that I can save money and not have to buy anymore Poise pads.

     If you see me playing tag or laughing hard or sneezing without crossing my legs...you know that the surgery was successful!

Tending the Fire...

     I have a friend who talks about being on fire for God.  I love seeing her face when she says that she is on fire for Him~her whole face lights up.  She has gone through a lot in the past year and through it all, she has been seeking God.  I have watched her journey throughout the year and I love seeing the changes in her.  She is truly on fire!

     Over the past few months, I feel like my fire has been burning out.  It is not out, but the flames have been getting weak.  I can make all sorts of excuses why this has happened, but they are just that, excuses.  I have made choices that have caused my flame to become weaker.  I have allowed other things to suck my time away from my prayer time.  I have become engrossed in books, that while good books, are taking time from reading my "instruction manual for life"...the Bible.

     So it is time to become intentional about my prayer time again.  It is time to seek God through His Word again.  It is time to pull back from some of the distractions of life to focus on the important things.  I don't mean that I am leaving all my fun times behind, I am just prioritizing my life.  God needs to come first...I know that when I have Him first, the rest of my life falls into place the way that it should.